To whom it may concern,
If you see me at a dinner/event/meeting/walking down the street drinking a glass of wine, I allow, Neh! command you to bitch slap it out of my hand, college style. You will be doing me a favor.
I have finally realized that it is the devil on my intestinal issues, and hertofor I will only be drinking vodka sodas.
I appreciate your attention on the matter at hand.