Dear Burglar

I have been burgled. I think. Or robbed. But I would like to thank the person or persons who stole my MARC JACOBS wallet from my car, in front of my house.

Ahem,

Thank you person(s) for finding a way into my new(ish) car without breaking any windows nor leaving a trace of how you got in. I realize that this may appear to be an admission of guilt as to how you actually got into the car on my part, but I maintain (Are you listening Trevis?) that burglars are much more fancy in this day and age. I am sure you didn't need to bother with splattered glass or crowbars. Probably some fancy electronic thingie that magically opens the locks. Yes, that is it.

Additionally I would like to thank you for taking the time to open my zipper enclosed wallet and carefully remove the pen and police ticket I received while in Michigan. I found them in the back seat, and honestly, I wouldn't have ever paid that ticket if I didn't see it in front of my face.

Finally, I would have bought you whatever sportswear or gym shoes you bought at converse with my debit card. Truly. I am a sucker for a sob story. I apologize all my cards were cut off before you could spend more, but whatwiththe recession and all, we just couldn't indulge you any longer.

Oh - one more thing. Anyone who knows me is aware that I am not a labels-type girl. So for me to have a Marc Jacobs wallet is strange (clothing is a completely different story). But this particular wallet was a gift from Trevis* after a very intense hiking trip in Aspen with his family.
Yes, I was rewarded for hiking and camping. I deserved it. So in conclusion if you could facebook friend me (since you have all my info) and let me know what dumpster I can climb into to recover the evidence, that would be dope.

Kelly Ryan O'Brien


*By gift I mean I figured if a hiking trip could go on a credit card then so could a wallet.